Maybe Its Maybelline

When you first pull off the main road, and onto Weldon's property, the first thing you notice is a big sign that lets you know that "If you can read this--you are in range", which is perforated with bullet holes. Weldon owns about 90 acres, in an undisclosed location in Central Texas. It used to be his Daddy's cattle ranch, but Weldon has converted it into a plantation that would have made Bob Marley proud, with a gun collection that would make Iraq nervous. The last time I went out there, he shot a tree not 10 inches from my head. For fun.

Did I freak the fuck out? Yep.
Did I say a word about it? Nope.

Weldon is what is commonly to referred in these parts as a crazy son of a bitch. He was voted Most Likely to Secede by his High School class. Although he has never served in any military organization, he is still fighting several wars, and I like for him to think of me as an ally. I told him once that his tattoo looked like lipstick, and I am lucky to still have 2 nipples, 10 fingers, and no extra holes in my body.

Extra deduction for the goofy font.

What this tattoo says about the wearer:

Watch for me on CourtTV...



  1. It sort of looks like a frozen Jesus popsicle that got left on a hot sidewalk.

  2. I see it as a Jesus hair pin that was stabbed into his flesh.