...Except After 'E'

Whether it is a dog barking a warning, a rattlesnake's tail shaking, or crickets chirping, animals are constantly sending messages to each other. Louie is sending a message, too. A message to all "Ho's" that his "Bro's" have his loyalty, and you will always take a backseat.

But won't it be worth it? His doleful convict's gaze, and impeccable dress sense, should make Louie quite the popular item, in 5 to 10 years. And don't worry about that pesky sex offender status. Who wants to live within 1500 yards of a school, park, church, bus stop, restaurant, or any other public gathering place anyway?











Extra deduction for the tribal muttonchops. And that shirt.







What this tattoo says about the user:

I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.








--

Mom keeps giving me turtlenecks.

I used to be in a band with Matt. We did grindcore versions of Neil Diamond songs (we were called "I am I Said"...the world was not ready for us) Matt always modified words incorrectly...passing a joint to the right was "traditionary" and doing something to help someone else was "unselfishism". I am pretty sure he had ADHD, but he may just have been a tweaker.

For the first 8 months he had the neck text, the star that attempts to cover his shame was not there, and yes, it covers an "A". Matt left the band after Pete, our bass player, wrote on his neck "For those I love, I will sacrete"(sic) in magic marker.




Extra deduction for trying to play that shit off.






What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I am all bark, and no bite.










--

My Kinda Town

I met Jared at a Mastodon show, in Chicago, or "Chi-tonw" which is what the locals evidently call it. Jared (he wanted me to call him "J-Rock"---I would not) was one of those guys who really needs the world to know how tough he is. Our conversation was mostly about how his tattoos didn't hurt him. He "barely felt" his fake Ta moko ... His homage to his hometown did not hurt...Not even his pretty butterfly- I mean his super-tough macho moth creature, with a skull on it.

Jared was drinking that Orange Sparks stuff, (a manly choice) and kept talking about how he beat the living shit out of the guy who did his Chi-tonw tattoo...which he might have done, as he was a big guy, and lots of tattoo artists are skinny guys that draw a lot. After about 10 minutes of talking to him, I could see that he was probably going to take a swing at me, so I decided to move closer to the stage, because I like Mastodon more than I like fighting fat, drunk guys.






Extra deductions for inappropriate moko, and, of course spelling.






What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I am where ignorance meets stupidity.







--

Read 'Em and Weep

Bobby used to live downstairs from me, when I lived in that shithole apartment in Phoenix. He told everyone that he lived in Glendale, because he had a better chance of spelling it correctly,
and Bobby is all about the odds.
He used to always make up fake statistics, in an attempt to lend credibility to his bullshit stories.
He would never say "Most people do this" or "Some people do that"...with Bobbers it was always "78% of people do this" or "46% of people do that"...I disliked him 98% of the time.

When I asked him why the cards were out of order, and sort of turning into jigsaw puzzle pieces,
he said "Because 32% of life is the unknowable stuff, you know, like puzzles, an' shit, 59% of life is havin' the right cards, and the other 16% is party time."
When I asked him about the spelling errors, he said "Huh? whatever...it don't matter."




Extra deduction for English abuse.







What this tattoo says about the wearer (and the artist):

Books are for fags.






--

Whirled Peas

This tattoo is on my cousin's ex, Brandon, although he wants us to call him "Shroomz."

He is one of those hippie asshole types, a vegan in leather shoes.

He spends most of his time preaching these bizarre hippie rants about all the death and suffering

that goes on in the world. A glass of milk is bovine holocaust to him. Honey means trillions of bees forced into tiny stables, pumped full of hormones, until the honey is brutally ripped from their tiny little honey udders.

He claims that he was "Soooo wasted" when he got this tattoo. He doesn't understand that it is not how wasted YOU are that makes a tattoo bad. He got this tattoo to be different, just like everybody else.

Extra deduction for spelling, and penmanship.

What this tattoo says about the wearer:

Can I just crash on your couch for a few weeks?

--

Then Everyone Would be in Love with Me

This is one of those self-deprecating tattoos that is sure to backfire, eventually.

One hopes that he is trying to be clever, and really has an "average" schlong,
but someone is going to call that bluff someday,and this guy is going to hear those
3 little words:

"It IS small."


Extra deduction for spelling, and for the dick thing again.






What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I can't spell, and I am going to disappoint you, later.










---

I would like to buy a vowel

Yes, I am sure you are...but your tattoo artist sucks.


Extra Huge Deduction for taking off shirt to allow this photo to be taken.

Surely one of his friends has noticed...







What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I will be happily working at WAL-MART forever.

--