Paradise Lost

Every year, my wife and I go to South Africa, to visit her family. After the pharmaceuticals clear my system, (I need them to fly) I like to get started on my holiday drinking. I met Kerwin in a really shady shithole bar in Capetown, and we had an interesting conversation about tattoos, sex, and life. When he showed me his tattoos, I told him that nobody would ever mistake them for art, which he took as a compliment, in spite of it being such an obvious insult.

He became visibly agitated when I suggested that the "Paradise for Virgins" above his crotch might apply to his Superman symbol shaped navel as well...and tried to stick my thumb in it, to illustrate my point. Then I got a little gaggy from the thought. I had to buy him about 5 rounds to settle him down, to avoid a holiday stabbing. I never even mentioned the one on his belly that reads "she was a [sic] untrustable [sic] women[sic]" as it made me uncomfortable on several different levels.

We are home now, (and had a lovely vacation, thanks for asking)
and the handful of pills return flight jet-lag has pretty much worn off.

Extra deduction for the whole creepy torso.

What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I like it rape-y.



  1. Welcome back. You're right; that's one hugely creepy torso, and a perfectly chevron shaped navel. Hope you got his phone number for all us ladies.

  2. Gold medal winner? I would say deduction for the playing cards as well... they look like they were in the hands of a 3 year old prior to their lucky relocation below the chest of...
    is that a chest??!?!?! that hair patch reminds me of an early 70's porn i watched once. the only body part i could recognize was the bush.

  3. Glad you had a great holiday Captain, you meet some "interesting" people in your travels.

  4. *shudders* I bet he sleeps alone!

  5. Glad you had a nice holiday!!

    Oh, and I just vomited a little in my mouth. :-)

  6. How dare you make fun of my real dad like that!

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  9. Aye aye Sir! Interesting blog you've got there captain! Thanks for dropping by.

  10. I have missed you. And your wit.

  11. I think his torso looks like a treasure map.

  12. Hey keep posting such good and meaningful articles.