Swanson Warrior

This guy used to drink in my bar. I don't know his real name--he had big nostrils, like Babe Ruth, so we called him 'Chunnel'. He was a lousy tipper.



So, Chunnel, heard you got a new piece. Let's see it.
(Proudly) OK, check it out.

Alright...so kind of a warrior...sort of Boba Fett meets an Aztec warrior...with Moon Boot-sandals.
No, it is from "Spartan Warrior"...the game.

Oh. Why does he carry the big pie?
Pie? That is his shield.

It looks just like a pot-pie...It even has the crimping around the edge of the crust.
It is a shield, that has been through battle. See? Those are battle scars.

No, they are the "one inch slits in crust, to allow steam to vent."
(no response)


Is HE the Pie-man from Simple Simon? I always pictured him as being a lot less mean, ya know? Kind of chubby and happy.
(pouting/frowning)

I like his skirt, though.
Fuck you, man.






Extra deduction for leaving before I could do any Sparta/Spartan jokes. Wuss.





What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I sure do like pie.





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Chinese Democracy

This is my friend Tracy. I have known her for years.
She is just like one of the guys, except she has a vagina, and boobs. She is cool.
Not just for the vagina and boob thing though.




Hey Tracy, heard you got a new tattoo. Let's see it
No fuckin' way. I am in no mood for your shit.

Come on...
No.

I promise I won't say anything about it.
Yeah, right. OK...say anything bad, and I will slap you.


It reminds me of that picture in LIFE magazine...
It is "Guns & Roses"

...of the hippies putting flowers in the soldier's guns... Wait, did you just say "Guns & Roses?"
Yes, Guns & Roses.

But it is just one gun, and one rose.
It is my Guns & Roses tattoo.

No, It is your "Gun and Rose" tattoo. You need another gun, and another rose.
See, this is why Jessica dumped you. You take everything so literally.

Jessica dumped me because I wouldn't stop smoking...or fucking Michelle. And this is why Tim dumped you. You do everything half-assed.
Did he say that?


No, he said he dumped you because you don't understand plurals.
I hate you.

Call me later...
You wish.





Extra deduction for not calling.





What this tattoo says about the wearer:

I am going to pretend to like the new record no matter how bad it is.






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